Sides

I love a free sample at the grocery store. Like, LOVE. I mean, it doesn’t mean I always like them, I usually don’t, but that doesn’t stop me from snacking. Sometimes my grocery lists are exhaustive and I need a lil’ snack break, you know?

A few years ago I was perusing Whole Foods around the holidays and they had one of those goat cheese logs rolled in dried cranberries out for the public to sample. You’ve tried this, no? It’s the simplest/most genius concept in the world: tangy goat cheese cheese rolled in sweet and tart dried fruit. SO GOOD!

I stood there and ate like half the log of goat cheese by myself hoping no one would realize that this girl couldn’t pry herself away and leave. That thing became a problem. After that when I needed a quick appetizer for guests (also known as just myself), I’d copycat that appetizer from Whole Foods.

A few days ago I was in the mood to make cornbread. (I don’t get in good moods, bad moods or sad moods. Instead I get in biscuit moods, roasted chicken moods or, what brings us here today, corn bread moods. It’s weird.)

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I’ve hated eggplant since infancy, I swear, so the fact that you’re seeing little baked/fried matchsticks of eggplant right now is just crazy business. But here we are…just looking at eggplant.

The shift happened a few weeks ago when I went to my favorite vegan restaurant, which I sort of hate. I like/hate this restaurant. I sort of hate it and I sort of love it. This place is like no other restaurant I’ve ever been to. Each dish is an affirmation. Hold the phone, let me explain.

Every dish’s name is an affirmation. A vegan BLT isn’t just a vegan BLT, it’s actually a “I Am Humble.” So, in order for you to place your order you have to look at the server and say, “I would like the ‘I AM GORGEOUS’” and then the server looks at you and says, “YOU are gorgeous.”

This is when I vom. After you’re done ordering they tell you the philosophical question of the day. This is when (internally, of course!) I’m all like, Dude, listen, can you just give me my damn cashew cream, raw cold-ass vegan enchilada thing without talking to me about my inner spirituality and positivity or whatever, because seriously now I AM ANNOYED.

Okay so, why do I go back? Because it’s the best vegan food I’ve ever had. Ever! They served me an eggplant sandwich, which I ordered out of pure curiosity, knowing very well I hated the stuff. I figured if anybody could prepare an inherently gross vegetable in an awesome manner it was them. And I was soooo right.

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Cauliflower and I have a thing. My love for this cluster of white, mild-tasting florets runs deeeeep, guys. Deep.

Spicy Cauliflower Soup? I make it. So cozy and delicious. Cauliflower Puree? It’s like the healthier version of mashed potatoes…that’s almost better. I dig it. I even love it in its simplest form: sauteed in a little butter, olive oil with a few red pepper flakes. Good. Solid.

I know good and well there’s no evidence of my adoration for cauliflower on this blog, and there’s a reason. It’s shallow, but I dunno, cauliflower is kinda ugly. Like, not ugly ugly, but it’s not a looker, you know? It’s pale..kinda boring to look at and when you cook cauliflower it becomes even more unattractive. LAME of me. SHALLOW of me. Whatever.

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We gotta talk about what you’re doing this weekend. I need to hear what you’re making, and who you’re rooting for…blah blah, we’ll get to it. Before we delve in, I need you watch this video. It’s important. Do me a solid and watch it, please.

It’s going to make you laugh. It might even make your day. And it’s totally going to make you fall in love with Kristen Bell.

I’m sort of obsessed with her reaction to meeting a baby sloth. I dunno. I think it might the funniest, most endearing thing I’ve ever seen. And I’ll be honest, it also sorta scares me. That’s not a normal person’s reaction, you know? But I dig it. I dig her craziness. Baby sloths can make someone crazy. I get it.

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You know what you don’t need? A guacamole recipe. I dunno.

Maybe this is me being a total brat, but honestly, even if you don’t know how to boil water, the last thing you need is a recipe that involves mashing, folding and adding salt. That’s just silly talk.

I lamented for a long time about sharing this situation you see pictured because why do you need this?! You can do this without me. Who am I to tell you how to make your guacamole.

But, I love it. So I figured that maybe you would, too. And maybe you never thought to put pomegranate seeds in guacamole. And maybe you’ll make it and share it with someone. That’d make my day.

So here I am. Just a girl…with a bowl of guacamole, asking you all to mash up some ripe avocados, mix ‘em with some chopped up cucumbers and pomegranate seeds. It’s way more special this way! Refreshing, sweet, lime-y…special!

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Pig Candy

in Sides, Snacks

Pig candy is a real thing. Didyouknowthis?

I did not. Until last week when I had dinner at Lou’s, this wine bar in a random strip mall next to an even more random laundromat. In other news, I’ve been pronouncing the word “laudromat” like “laundry-mat…” up until, oh I dunno, like, yesterday.

Not sure if you knew this, but in Los Angeles things like kitchen floors that aren’t made from formica, a washer & dryer in your unit, and a parking space for your vehicle, are all considered luxuries. I have two out of the three and I feel lucky and rich.

Pig Candy. Let’s go back to that.

It’s really special. I’d even go as far as to say that it’s important.

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I’ve had exactly four cups of coffee today. My hand is shaking (just slightly). And I really need to trim my bangs. But I’m scared. I think I have reason to be…

I also cannot stop thinking about homemade fish sticks. How will I do this?! How will I make homemade fish sticks? Huh?

Still not sure. But if you have ideas/thoughts/experiences of the fish stick variety, I’m all ears. Also, if you know secrets about cutting your own bangs, I’d like to hear those too.

These are important life things. Fish sticks. And haircuts.

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Pancetta and Sage Stuffing Muffins // www.acozykitchen.com

Hi. I’m baaaaack.

I actually never left, but sometimes the one day breaks between posts make me miss you a lot. I can say this because we’ve moved past the whole newness in our relationship. I don’t care if I love you more at this point. It just is what is…you know?!

Wait, do you think it’s weird I’m talking about our relationship in public like this? Whatever. DEAL!

I feel like you know me pretty well at this point. You understand who I am as a person. You know I have an affinity for glitter nail polish. You know I cry sometimes and make pancakes. You know I think fantasy football is stupid. You ALSO know that I loooove to try and make stuff cute.

Pancetta and Sage Stuffing Muffins // www.acozykitchen.com

I made churros (that sometimes can look like…I don’t have to say it. You know)…into Churro Tots! And complicated pretzels into Pretzel Tots. And sloppy, meat sandwiches into Sloppy Joe Sliders! I’m starting to think my life calling is to take normal dishes that are totally minding their own business and give them a “cute” makeover.

Almost like that scene in Clueless when D and Cher take Ty from rough and stoner-like to cute and dumb. Just like that…but with sandwiches and fried things…and now, stuffing.

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How high-maintenance of a lady/dude are you?

I want us to talk make-up. Blush and eyeliner. Hairz routines. Eyelash curling situations (they’ll forever scare me). I want us to share!!! And be real life friends. And boyz (all two of you that read this blog), you too! What’s your haircut life like? How does it feel to just never have to worry about makeup? Freeing…?

Me, over here, I’m kind of easy breezy. I wear make-up pretty much everyday. But I only use, like, three things. And these few things have my loyalty probably for life. I’m gonna be 60 years old with this same routine, I have a feeling. If I’m going about my business during the day, I’ll throw on some concealer; mainly for under my eye balls. I have sleeping issues. I dunno. I hear lavender helps.

I rub some blush on for good measure. A little color makes people look like they aren’t dead. That’s a plus.

And a few swipes of the greatest mascara to have ever been created is a total must. I don’t leave the house without it. It’ll sometimes take me 10 minutes to put it on. I’m technical with it.

Every now and then I’ll put a swipe of liquid eyeliner on. It’s usually reserved when I wanna look cute. Like solidify the cuteness, you know?

Lipstick? Not for me…I don’t do it. I’m always drinking something, eating something, etc. Too high-maintenance for me. And plus, one of my greatest fears in life is to be the girl with lipstick on her teeth. Not cute. Eyeshadow? Nah…not really.

Now my nails…OMG…that’s a whole other post in of itself. Nail game has to be tight. Nail polish has a special place in my heart. You know this.

My hairz? Bangs. Straight…with a dab of this and a few sprays of this.

If I’m feeling really lazy, but want to fake like I tried, I totally do a top knot. Hair WAY up. And it being a little messy makes it cuter. It’s the 5 minute trick of tricks. I recommend it.

This recipe is inspired by my fake “I tried but didn’t” hair situation. These rolls are a hellavah lot more interesting than my hair…mainly because butter and carbs are involved.

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A few Friday thoughts:

1. Why do high school reunions still exist?! This is why Facebook was invented. I already know that you married that dude. And had those kids. And live in that house. I see the pictures. EVERY. DAY…in my newsfeed.

2. Why don’t we embrace breakfast foods for dessert? Think warm chocolate waffles…topped with vanilla bean ice cream and whipped cream. I experienced this Monday night with Nastassia. SO MAJOR!! We’re doing this soon. Promise.

2. I make plans for nicknames. This is normal, right? For instance, whenever I give birth to a small human, I’m probably going to call him “tater tot.” Maybe “tater” for the nickname to his nickname. Is there anything cuter than a tater tot? No. Also, when I finally get a corgi I’m totally naming him “Fredrique.” Such a proper prestigious name. Very appropriate.

3. Third and final, I successfully (!!) cooked up the nickname of my future son. This is HUGE for me. I’ve tried a few tater tot recipes over the years and have never been satistifed with the results…until yesterday. I was giddy for the rest of the day due to this fried achievement. Is it the easiest, fastest recipe on this blog? No. Definitely not. Is it worth the effort? YES!! And a bonus is that you can double this batch, freeze them, and fry them up, per your leisure.

Plus: I (sorta) have step-by-step pictures. LET’S START!!

(CAN YOU TELL I’M EXCITED?!)

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