I try to be a good person on the daily. When I’m going into the coffee shop, I always hold the door for the person behind me. I smile at strangers. I smile at cute babies…and even more at cute doggies. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I call my mama on the regular. I try to tell the truth even when it sucks. I eat my vegetables and I like it.
So, if all that doesn’t work and I’m sent to hell at the end, I guarantee it’ll look like a mall on Black Friday. There will be people and shopping carts everywhere. Babies will be crying (because they know what’s up!). There might even be a few lil’ people toppling over each other fighting over some game console I’ve never heard of. People will be outside in tents camping to get the best deal on a TV. It will look a lot like the weekend of Thanksgiving. That’s what my hell is.
My idea of heaven is cooking soup in colorful socks. What? Yes. Maybe even Vince Guaraldi’s A Charlie Brown Christmas will be blaring in the background. Cooking soup and making snacks! It’s my favorite pastime. This lil’ tartine is a perfect snack/breakfast/lunch meal.
I’m the hunt for my first adult couch. Up until now I’ve been living very college-like, mainly because I’d rather buy a pair of shoes or go to a new restaurant or save my money than sit on something nice and grown-up, BUT I’m changing!
I have this weird urge to be a grown-up and I’m thinking buying a piece of furniture might catapult me there. I now realize the only thing worse than shopping for a new apartment, bathing suit and health insurance is shopping for a new couch.
Can we say expensivo. Also: why?! Where’s the happy medium between Ikea and Awesome…at Ikea prices? I need to know this. If you have any affordable/adorable/expensive looking couch recommendations, I’m open! I wanna hear!
I’ve hated eggplant since infancy, I swear, so the fact that you’re seeing little baked/fried matchsticks of eggplant right now is just crazy business. But here we are…just looking at eggplant.
The shift happened a few weeks ago when I went to my favorite vegan restaurant, which I sort of hate. I like/hate this restaurant. I sort of hate it and I sort of love it. This place is like no other restaurant I’ve ever been to. Each dish is an affirmation. Hold the phone, let me explain.
Every dish’s name is an affirmation. A vegan BLT isn’t just a vegan BLT, it’s actually a “I Am Humble.” So, in order for you to place your order you have to look at the server and say, “I would like the ‘I AM GORGEOUS’” and then the server looks at you and says, “YOU are gorgeous.”
This is when I vom. After you’re done ordering they tell you the philosophical question of the day. This is when (internally, of course!) I’m all like, Dude, listen, can you just give me my damn cashew cream, raw cold-ass vegan enchilada thing without talking to me about my inner spirituality and positivity or whatever, because seriously now I AM ANNOYED.
Okay so, why do I go back? Because it’s the best vegan food I’ve ever had. Ever! They served me an eggplant sandwich, which I ordered out of pure curiosity, knowing very well I hated the stuff. I figured if anybody could prepare an inherently gross vegetable in an awesome manner it was them. And I was soooo right.
I reached for my cell, dialed Time Warner and cancelled my cable. This was a desperate measure to take my life back. Sound dramatic? Probably. But last week I called my mom to discuss Bethenny and Jason’s marriage, which sort of seems on the rocks (right?!!?). And on Sunday night I was all like, “Whoa Cythia! That orphan comment you said about Kim was craaaazy messed up. KIM, DON’T FORGIVE HER!”
I have to draw the line sometimes, you know? Being invested in TV relationships is just too much for me right now. I can’t deal. I’d rather spend my life thinking about other things…like bacon and popcorn, and cookies with brown butter in them.
Also, this means I have more money to spend on shoes. Shoes > Cable. DUH!
We gotta talk about what you’re doing this weekend. I need to hear what you’re making, and who you’re rooting for…blah blah, we’ll get to it. Before we delve in, I need you watch this video. It’s important. Do me a solid and watch it, please.
It’s going to make you laugh. It might even make your day. And it’s totally going to make you fall in love with Kristen Bell.
I’m sort of obsessed with her reaction to meeting a baby sloth. I dunno. I think it might the funniest, most endearing thing I’ve ever seen. And I’ll be honest, it also sorta scares me. That’s not a normal person’s reaction, you know? But I dig it. I dig her craziness. Baby sloths can make someone crazy. I get it.
You know what you don’t need? A guacamole recipe. I dunno.
Maybe this is me being a total brat, but honestly, even if you don’t know how to boil water, the last thing you need is a recipe that involves mashing, folding and adding salt. That’s just silly talk.
I lamented for a long time about sharing this situation you see pictured because why do you need this?! You can do this without me. Who am I to tell you how to make your guacamole.
But, I love it. So I figured that maybe you would, too. And maybe you never thought to put pomegranate seeds in guacamole. And maybe you’ll make it and share it with someone. That’d make my day.
So here I am. Just a girl…with a bowl of guacamole, asking you all to mash up some ripe avocados, mix ‘em with some chopped up cucumbers and pomegranate seeds. It’s way more special this way! Refreshing, sweet, lime-y…special!
I did not. Until last week when I had dinner at Lou’s, this wine bar in a random strip mall next to an even more random laundromat. In other news, I’ve been pronouncing the word “laudromat” like “laundry-mat…” up until, oh I dunno, like, yesterday.
Not sure if you knew this, but in Los Angeles things like kitchen floors that aren’t made from formica, a washer & dryer in your unit, and a parking space for your vehicle, are all considered luxuries. I have two out of the three and I feel lucky and rich.
Pig Candy. Let’s go back to that.
It’s really special. I’d even go as far as to say that it’s important.
Phew! I didn’t mean to be away this long. I missed you all!
I figured I’d take MLK day off, and then a recipe failure happened. And then I had to jump on a plane to head back east to bury myself in the work that I’ve been putting off for weeks. Procrastination, I hate you.
But good news: I’m here, working diligently and it’s awesome. I’ve been in this really awful anxious mood for the past few weeks, so all this doing, writing and completing feels refreshing and wonderful. SO, I’M BACK! And I brought cheese to this productive party, my dudes and dudettes. Cheese!
It’s weird how much better these little tweaks make you feel. First one: I’ve worked out every day this week. I’m not gonna make some unrealistic statement and say that this is how I’m living from here on out, but good gracious does it make me feel giddy.
Second tweak: I’ve cut out coffee. I know. I know. I can’t believe I just wrote that. It wasn’t planned. I woke up Monday morning and got some tea instead of coffee. And then I did the same thing the next day. And the next day. And now, it’s Friday and I feel like I have more energy than I’ve had in months. In months I’m guessing this won’t last for long–the taste of coffee is a long time love.
I decided to keep up with the health-ish, unusual track that I’m on and snack on some beets. (I honestly don’t even know who I am right now.) I hate beets. I think they taste–for the most part–like dirt. Like, the actual earth. People put a bunch of goat cheese on them and avocado and think they’re delicious. Datsss cool. I’m just not one of those people.