You know what you don’t need? A guacamole recipe. I dunno.

Maybe this is me being a total brat, but honestly, even if you don’t know how to boil water, the last thing you need is a recipe that involves mashing, folding and adding salt. That’s just silly talk.

I lamented for a long time about sharing this situation you see pictured because why do you need this?! You can do this without me. Who am I to tell you how to make your guacamole.

But, I love it. So I figured that maybe you would, too. And maybe you never thought to put pomegranate seeds in guacamole. And maybe you’ll make it and share it with someone. That’d make my day.

So here I am. Just a girl…with a bowl of guacamole, asking you all to mash up some ripe avocados, mix ‘em with some chopped up cucumbers and pomegranate seeds. It’s way more special this way! Refreshing, sweet, lime-y…special!

Pomegranate Cucumber Guacamole

Print this kinda sorta recipe!

2 Haas avocados
1/2 shallot, minced
Handful of pomegranate seeds
1/4 cucumber, peeled and finely chopped
1 lime
Salt

In a medium bowl, mash up both avocados. Fold in minced shallot, pomegranate seeds, cucumber. Squeeze in lime juice and mix. Salt to taste. THAT’S IT!

Recipe adapted from Recipe of Memory

The real name of this salad should read:

“Roasted Rainbow Heirloom Carrot Goat Cheese and Avocado Salad with a Citrus Cumin Dressing.”

But! it needed some tweaking. Let’s not do recipe titles that read like paragraphs. Not a good look. Also the word “rainbow” is way cuter than the word “heirloom.” (I think.) Who doesn’t want to eat a rainbow?! No one.

This dish is like a plate full of skittles…but in carrot form.

Have I ever told you how I sorta think lettuce blows? I’m not a big salad eater.

Let me retract my statement: I’m not a big salad maker. As a kid, making the salad and setting the table was my job, every day…for what felt like for forever. So now, in adult protest, I don’t make salads. Unless they have brown butter dressing on them.

I am, however, a big salad orderer. When I go to a solid restaurant, I usually get a salad. I dig good salads. They’re not super easy to make. There’s an art to the anatomy of a successful salad.

I had something similar to this at a restaurant here in LA. It couldn’t have been simpler: roasted carrots sprinkled with cumin and goat cheese. That was it. Easy. Incredible.

The texture of the roasted carrots is super spesh, guys. Special. They’re thinly sliced and roasted until they become chewy with a slight crunch. That might sound weird, but trust me it’s such a win.

Add some avocado! And some goat cheese! Major.

I’m also not over winter citrus yet. I dunno if I’ll ever be.

I made a simple citrus and cumin dressing, using a few tangelos and a meyer lemon. Feel free to use an orange and a regular lemon. And for the carrots, I found some beautiful heirloom carrots at the store. Regular ol’ orange carrots will work juuuust fine.

In other non-salad news, Pepperidge Farm asked me if I would cook something up that’s healthy for the Super Bowl, which is funny ’cause I dunno even know who’s playing…

…actually, I do now. I just googled it.

So, what are you feeling? Are you feeling healthy? Do you even care about eating healthy on the Super Bowl? If so, what do you think I should figure out how to bake? This is important!

Roasted Rainbow Carrot Salad (with Citrus Cumin Dressing)

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Salad:
15 carrots (peeled, trimmed and thinly sliced)
1 avocado, cubed
2 ounces goat cheese, crumbled

Dressing:
1 shallot, minced
2 tangelo oranges
1 meyer lemon
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
Salt
Ground pepper

1. Preheat oven to 375F. Evenly divide sliced carrots between two lined (important!) baking sheets and place in oven for 15 minutes. Remove carrots and let cool on baking sheets. You’ll find them slightly rubbery. This is good. You don’t want a carrot chip salad, ya know?

2. Meanwhile, make the dressing. Place the minced shallots in a small bowl. Squeeze the juice from the oranges and lemon, being sure to catch any seeds. Whisk in extra virgin olive oil. Add cumin and add salt and pepper to taste.

3. To assemble the salad, add the carrots, cubed avocado to a medium bowl. Pour half of the dressing over top and gently toss. Add more and more dressing until it’s to the point of your liking. Divide salad between two plates and crumble goat cheese on top. BOOM! Eat the rainbow.

Yields 2 Salads

Last Friday my stove decided to have a tantrum and stopped working. Kind of annoying…I had serious cooking plans for a picnic. Instead I just ate wine and half a cupcake. It worked out juuuust fine.

Cut to this week: still no stove…I kinda started hoping it needed to be replaced. How dreamy are those O’Keefe and Merritt stoves?! In pale blue?! Hello cuteness!

Sooo…I dug out my toaster oven and started putting stuff on toast. All sorts of stuff. Possibilities…endless.

And then, as soon as my stove was fixed, I made this poached egg and put it on a piece of bread with some salt, pepper and parmesan. Runny eggs are just swoon-worthy, aren’t they?!

Almond butter and sliced strawberries. Delicious. Sweet. Killer combo.

I’m not even gonna start by telling you that turkey bacon compares to regular bacon. It just doesn’t. It can’t. Impossible. It’s healthier, though, so there’s that.

BACON > TURKEY BACON/EVERYTHING…for life.

But I just bought a few bathing suits this week and have yet to try them on. Ugh.

So here you have it: turkey bacon, a few basil leaves, a swipe of veganaise and a few sliced tomatoes on toast.

P.S. I don’t try bathing suits on in stores anymore. The lighting is heartbreaking. So now I just buy a bunch on a credit card, try them on at my apt, and take the ones that don’t work back to the store. Total game changer. Have you tried this?

Avocado on Toast is an all time fav.  Adding some ricotta to the mix took it to a whole other level of amazingness.

In other news, this weekend I’m gonna celebrate my reunion with my kitchen by making something crazy…can we say doughnuts?! I dunno…they might be in mini form, they might be girly and pink, or they might have sprinkles in them, maybe even some amazing glaze on top. Who knows…the world is my doughnut…or whatever.

I’ve been wanting to try this Avocado Shake for some time now, but honestly, the weirdness of eating avocado in a sweet context kept me away. But last weekend, I was totally guacamole-ed out (a first for me!) and needed to use a bunch of avocados stat.

Figured it was the perfect time for this shake to have its moment. And holy avocado! Not sure what I was waiting for, but this shake has seriously confirmed what I’ve always suspected: avocado is perfect.

When I took the first sip, I was in love with the combination of flavors. There was, of course, the nutty and creaminess from the avocado; and a sweetness from the sweetened condensed milk. And lastly, I was so in love with the coconut flavor. It wasn’t major, but rather subtle. I dug it.

Here’s the deal: this shake takes about five minutes and calls for four ingredients. Basically, this means that no one has the excuse to not make this this weekend, right?

P.S. If you make this, you’ll be left with quite a bit of sweetened condensed milk. Don’t worry–this is an awesome problem to have. To remedy, I say it’s Mocha Popsicle time. Or Dulce de Leche Ice Cream Sandwich day. Doooo it! 

Avocado Shake

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Yields 1 shake

1 avocado

3 tablespoons of sweetened condensed milk

1/2 cup of coconut milk

1/2 handfuls of ice

Pinch of salt

Using a spoon, scoop out avocado flesh into the blender and add the rest of the ingredients. Pulse for 15-20 seconds. Taste it! Do you want it sweeter? Add one more tablespoon of sweetened condensed milk. Pour into a glass and drink right away.

Since we’re friends and we have a bit of a relationship going, I feel like I should confess something.

If you’ve noticed I haven’t cooked anything in a while. It started with this Grapefruit Coconut Scrub; I then moved onto the giveaway…and now I give this Avocado and Grapefruit Salad

It’s because…are you ready? I’m on a diet-thingy.

This winter has been a long one.

I ate burgers, like, a few times a week, I had milkshakes, cupcakes and tuna melts. I do what I want!

I figured I needed to take a break, and get healthy or whatever. I bought a program from Tracy Anderson called Metamorphosis. And wouldn’t you know, I’ve dropped a few pounds, I work out now…and do this embarrassing dance cardio (in the privacy of my own home), and feel loads better. It’s miraculous what moving your body and not eating butter everyday can do.

The downside is that I haven’t been able to eat anything fun. though I have taken the liberty to cheat.  I deserve it, right? I’m an adult, I pay my taxes (oh. do. I. pay. my. taxes.) and my parking tickets!

I had an awesome dinner at Son of a Gun; another time at In-n-Out. Both times totally worth it. If I’m gonna cheat, I’m gonna cheat…

In my attempt to put my new, healthy foot forward, I made something that doesn’t taste diet-like at all.

Just a few simple ingredients on a plate topped with a heavy tablespoon of mustard vinagrette.

I ate this all by myself for lunch, though I can’t wait until picnics and bbqs start so I can bring this on a big plate for a crowd to enjoy.

In other news: since I can’t have bacon, I kinda want to smell like it.

Bacon cologne…yay or nay? Is this just me being weird and missing bacon?

Avocado and Grapefruit Salad

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Recipe by Ina Garten

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt

3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1/2 cup good olive oil

4 ripe Hass avocados

2 large red grapefruits

Place the mustard, lemon juice, salt, and pepper in a small bowl. Slowly whisk in the olive oil until the vinaigrette is emulsified.

Before serving, cut the avocados in 1/2, remove the seeds, and carefully peel off the skin. Cut each half into 4 thick slices. Toss the avocado slices in the vinagrette to prevent them from turning brown. Use a large, sharp knife to slice the peel off the grapefruits (be sure to remove all the white pith), then cut between the membranes to release the grapefruit segments.

Arrange the avocado slices around the edge of a large platter. Arrange the grapefruit segments in the center as well as in between each slice of avocado. Spoon the vinaigrette on top, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and serve.

I have a particularly tragic memory of looking at rental houses with my friend when he first moved to LA and finding one that actually had an avocado tree in the backyard. I mean, a tree that was taller than the house and was heavy with ripe avocados This memory is tragic because my friend didn’t rent the house. If he had, I would have had a never ending supply to feed my avocado addiction.

BTW – what are avocados, a vegetable? Some weird fruit? Either way, I really, really, REALLY love these…veggie-fruits from heaven. Let’s count the ways, shall we?

1. Guacamole is possibly my favorite food.

2. I like avocado sandwiches. A lot.

3. I have been known to sprinkle some salt on a halved avocado and just eat it with a spoon. I’ve been known to do this without the salt.

4. Avocado on a burger? Yes, please.

5. Avocado fries on the side of my burger? Now you’re really talking.

Basically, you can’t have too many ways to eat avocado. I know some of you out there are trying to scream at the screen that avocados are fattening, but I’m immune to your silly ideas. Bikinis be damned – avocados are wonderful. Especially when deep fried.

Avocado Fries

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1 avocado, sliced into ¼ inch slices

½ cup milk

½ cup flour

1 egg, beaten

Canola oil, for frying

Lime Sriracha Mayo

½ cup mayonnaise

Juice from ½ lime

Sriracha, or other spicy chili sauce

Fill a skillet with oil until it’s about ¼ – ½ inch full. Heat on high until oil sputters when a drop of water is dropped in.

Place the milk, flour and egg into three separate shallow dishes. Beat about a tablespoon of water into the egg mixture. Take a slice of avocado and dunk in milk, then the flour, then the eggs, then back in the flour. Place each slice on a plate until you’ve dunked the whole batch in batter.

Slowly add the slices to the oil. You don’t want to overcrowd the pan, so stop before they all start touching each other. After about a minute you’ll see the edges turning brown, this means it’s time to flip them over. Allow to cook for another minute and then remove them from the skillet and place on a plate lined with paper towels.

To make the mayonnaise, mix together the mayo, lime juice and sriracha. Add the Sriracha to taste depending on how spicy you want it. Serve along side your avocado fries and enjoy!

 

I understand that no one needs a recipe for nachos. I get it.  We’re all adults. Nachos are a no-brainer.

And I’ll happily admit that this really was just an excuse for me to make nachos.  It was game day and I thought I’d get in the mood with a little chips with cheese.

And then proceeded to watch Teen Mom instead of the game. Good idea.

Before we move on with nachos, can we all just agree that Teen Mom is the scariest show on television? Even more terrifying than Hoarders…

Back to nachos.

I have some nacho theories (um, don’t we all?).

I’m particular about nachos. And can sometimes get an attitude about the way nachos are assembled.

Here it goes:

I firmly believe that nachos should be built in layers. It’s a drag when you get to the middle of a pile of nachos and can’t find a piece of cheese in sight. That is not OK! Bad nacho etiquette. I don’t like it.

That’s why I place one layer of chips on the plate, then add some cheese, and then add another layer of chips. And then more cheese. Then more chips, chili and the final bit of cheese. Nachos 101. It’s intense.

I understand that lots of people have opinions about nachos, and want to make it clear that–while different from mine–I have much respect the way Texans make their nachos.

Their method is to dress each chip separartely with cheese and a jalepeño. Texans are delicate nacho makers. I dig it.

And while I like their technique, I need toppings in my life.

I added some chili, sour cream, fresh jalepeños, fresh tomatoes, diced onions, a bit of lime, green onions and avocado.

Phew! Lot of toppings. But that’s the fun, right?!

Nachos!! Nachos!!

Print this recipe

4 handfuls of white corn tortilla chips

2 cups of medium-cheddar cheese

1/2 cup of canned or homemade chili

1/4 a white onion, diced

2 green onions, diced

1/2 tomato, diced

1/2 avocado, cubed

2 jalepeños, sliced

Grab a oven-proof plate or casserole dish.  Place a thin layer of chips on the plat, top with cheese and one more layer of chips. More cheese, chips and then top with chili and more cheese. Phew. Basically, make make how many layers you like.

Bake at 350F for 10 minutes or until cheese it melted.

Top with white onion, green onions, tomatoes, avocados and jalepeños. Holy yum!

Let’s talk snacks!

You know how all those diets say “eat four-five small meals a day.”  Umm…I can’t cook that often. I have a job. I like to see my friends. I don’t have a dishwasher. I have to curl my hair. These are all reasons why I can’t cook five times a day. Sorry, diets.

BUT I do love snacks, especially ones that take five minutes to put together.

WARNING: I have no idea if theses are “healthy,” but I do know they taste good, and are sorta healthy. Or at least I think so.

The first one is Avocado on Toast. Super easy and delicious.

All you’ll need is a half of an avocado, bread lightly toasted, a little crushed red pepper, salt and pepper, dash of olive oil and a squirt of lemon.  Done.  Delicious.

Second awesome snack of the day.  Perfectly boiled egg on a buttered whole wheat english muffin topped with a little salt and pepper. Easy! Fast! Cute!

This is my favorite. I love protein shakes, but I also love my morning coffee. This is hybrid of the two.

I present to you: Coffee Banana Protein Shake.

Some cooled coffee, scoop of whey protein powder, couple ice cubes, dash of vanilla extract and a half of a banana. That simple!

This isn’t a snack, but more of a way to force myself to drink more water. We all need to do this, right?

Just some filtered water with the latest winter citrus: sliced meyer lemon and a tangelo. And cucumber for some added freshness. It’s like the water you get at a spa.

What are you snacking on?

Pulling a muscle in your back totally sucks. Especially when you do it on a Saturday morning. Even worse is when your fiancé is sick with a cold at the same time. Yeah, we had a super awesome weekend.

Thanks God for Law & Order SVU marathons.

And take out pho noodle soup.

And easy to make California avocado sandwiches.

I’m not gonna lie, I totally ripped this off from Atlanta Bread Company. And I really wouldn’t’ have had a problem buying one of theirs except there isn’t a single one in Los Angeles. Ironic, considering they’re the ones that named this the California Avocado sandwich. So they left me with no choice, I had to make it on my own.

Luckily, this is really easy and takes only a few minutes to make. And it’s nice and refreshing, which is great when you’re lying against a heating pad on a hot summer day.

Bakery focaccia + fresh avocado + SVU. Not a bad weekend after all.

California Avocado Sandwich

In my back-pain fog I totally forgot to add the cheese. It was still pretty good, but adding it back in is awesome too. Feel free to adjust this to your own tastes.

Half a focaccia round, cut into wedges
¼ cup mayonnaise
2 teaspoons chopped fresh dill
1 avocado, thinly sliced
¼ cup thinly sliced red onion
4 slices provolone cheese
¼ cup mayonnaise
2 teaspoons chopped fresh dill

In a small bowl combine the mayonnaise and chopped dill. Slice the focaccia wedges in half and spread one side with dill mayo. Pile the bread with sliced avocado, red onions and provolone cheese. Enjoy.

Since I enjoy cooking, I hardly ever Sandra Lee-it. Meaning, I steer clear of store bought ingredients like pie crusts, biscuits, cookie dough, etc. I always find it easier to just make them myself, cheaper even and definitely healthier.

But I have a confession: I totally Sandra Lee-ed it on this pizza. I’ve been working like crazy lately and I wanted to enjoy the day outside rather than being locked inside forced to wait for this pizza dough to take its sweet-ass time rising.

I also didn’t want to slave over the stove for my marinara sauce to come out just right, or spend time shucking ears of corn–so I used the frozen stuff.  Yes, at the peak of its season I opted for the frozen stuff in my freezer. It was a pretty day, okay?

So I took Sandra Lee’s route, but only my way. Instead of going to the grocery store to get pizza dough, which is usually loaded with preservatives, I went to a local pizza place that I love and bought pizza dough from them for $3. I didn’t even know you could do this until a few months ago.

Then I bought some good quality, jarred marinara sauce; bought my other ingredients and had my pizza done in twenty-seven minutes flat.

Yes, twenty…seven. (I timed it.)

After you stretch your dough out to a 12-inch diameter, you’re going to want to top it with a few tablespoons of marinara sauce.

I’ve decided recently that I really hate dislike when marinara sauce is on laid on really thick. I like it thin and delicate.

I’m a lady.

Then put your goat cheese on top of the marinara sauce. By the way, licking my fingers after this step was quite awesome.

I then took frozen corn, ran some warm water over it, drained and it and dried it well, put it in a pan with some olive oil and sauteed it for a few minutes. I wanted it to be a little charred on its edges.

Then I sliced up some chorizo. You can use soy chorizo too. A lot of people rave about it.

I took off the casing since I didn’t want to eat the stuff. It’s a free country–do as you please, people.

After 15 minutes or so, I took it out of the oven. I cubed up an avocado and put it on top. Then I chopped up some chives and sprinkled it all over.

It was everything you want in a summer pizza: fresh tasting, crunchy from the corn, creamy, spicy from the chorizo. The goat cheese and chorizo together were amazing.

This has become my favorite pizza. Big time.

Corn Chorizo Pizza with Goat Cheese and Avocado

Recipe adapted from here

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12 ounces of pizza dough, store bought or homemade

2 tablespoons of marinara sauce

3 oz. of goat cheese

1/2 cup of frozen corn, rinsed and thawed (or fresh)

2 oz. (or 5 slices) of chorizo or soy chorizo

1/2 of an avocado

1 tablespoon of chives

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Roll out your dough to roughly 12 inches in diameter.  The dudes at the pizza place told me to let it rest for 20 minutes on a floured surface, so I did it.

Place on a greased sheet pan, or heat a pizza stone in the oven. Cover surface of dough with tablespoons of marinara sauce, then goat cheese. In a medium size skillet, heat a tablespoon of olive oil over medium heat. When hot, add corn and saute for a few minutes, or until slightly crisp around the edges. Remove from heat and add to pizza. Slice up chorizo and add to pizza and bake for 15 minutes, or until crust is golden brown and cheese is melted.

Remove the pizza from the oven and add cubed guacamole and handful of chives. .