My lady doctor gave me strict instruction that I need to start taking vitamins. I’ve put this off for a really long time because I’m a gigantic baby and suck at taking pills. I do that melodramatic thing where I fill up my mouth with water and then stick the pills in my mouth and then swallow. Sometimes I do like a little gag reflex thing…and then realize there’s no one around to feel sorry for me. Womp womp.

Anyway, I heard through a friend-of-a-friend that Trader Joe’s is the place to get those adult edible vitamins, so I went and she was right. And they’re not just “edible,” they’re deliciously edible! You mean I can take my daily vitamins in form of a gummi bear? Even though it was “candy,” I still expected it to be sort of disgusting. But whoa, before I knew it I ate, like, half the bottle. I’m sure this is awful, right? The bottle said take one…I took 10? Maybe 15?

I’m not sure what’s worse: too little vitamins, or too many. And I also did this on an empty stomach, but it was perfect timing because the batch of the carnitas that was on the stovetop was done, so I assembled two of these things and I felt a little better. Overly vitamized…but better!

I frequent Mexican taco trucks generally late at night. And mulitas with al pastor or carnitas are always my go-to. Mulitas are like quesadilla sandwiches…with meat on the inside. Hello! That’s cool!

This carnitas recipe is suuuuper simple, and only takes about 3 hours of braising on the stove-top. Not too long at all. If you wanted, you could even stick it in a slow-cooker while you head to work. I bet that’d work lovely.

You’re gonna start by cubing up about a pound and a half of pork shoulder/butt. And then you’re going to salt it liberally.

This recipe serves two people with a bit of leftovers, but if you need to cook for more people, it’s pretty simple to double.

You’re going to cook the pork with all of the things you see below: orange juice, lime juice, white onion, garlic, ground cumin and chile powder.

So…I don’t have pictures of the remaining steps, but basically you’re going to sear the pork cubes until they’re nice and crispy and lightly golden brown. Then you’re going to sauté some stuff a.k.a. the onions and spices together.

Then the pork goes back in the skillet, covered with some water and kept at a simmer for about 3 hours.

You’ll know when it’s ready because you’ll be able to cut it with a fork. That’s the money sign.

Mulita time!!

1. Tortilla, cheese, in a pan. Place a lid on top until it melts.

2. Then place a tablespoon or so of carnitas.

3. Top with another tortilla and gently flip.

4. I like mine topped with warm refried beans, this little cilantro/onion mixture, crumbled queso fresco, avocado and a dollop of sour cream.

Annnnnd, if you want to be really lazy and don’t want to make your carnitas, Trader Joe’s has pre-made carnitas that aren’t terrible. Are they as good as the ones pictured? No, but they take two minutes to buy. AND you can get some gummi bear vitamins while you’re there.

Mulitas

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Carnitas:
1 1/2 pounds pork shoulder/butt, cut into 1″ x 1″ cubes
Salt
Vegetable oil
1 white onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed
1 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon chile powder
1 orange
1 lime, divided

Mulitas:
Handful of cilantro, chopped
1 jalapeño pepper, diced
4 small corn or flour tortillas
1/2 cup Monterey jack, shredded
1 (15-ounce) can of refried beans (you’ll have leftovers)
1 ounce queso fresco, crumbled
1/2 avocado, sliced
2 teaspoons sour cream

1. Lay the cubes of pork in one layer and sprinkle, on both sides, with salt, liberally. (I used about 1 1/2 teaspoons of salt.) Heat 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil in a cast iron skillet (or dutch oven) over high heat. When oil glistens, it’s ready; using tongs, add cubes of pork, in one layer, and sear on both sides for 30 seconds to a minute, or until golden brown. Depending on the size of your skillet (or pot) you may need to do this in two batches. Remove pork and set aside.

2. Bring heat down to medium and add 1/2 of the diced onion; cook until translucent, about 3-5 minutes. Next, add the garlic cloves, ground cumin, chile powder, and toss. Cook for about 30 seconds more. Add the pork back to the skillet and squeeze the orange and half of the lime over the meat. Pour enough water to slightly cover the meat and turn the heat to medium-high until it reaches a simmer. Once it’s at a simmer, bring heat down to medium-low. Cook, uncovered, for 3 hours, adding water frequently. You’ll the meat is ready when it’s easily shreddable.

3. To assemble mulitas, get all of your accessories ready, which includes warming the refried beans in the microwave or over the stovetop. In a medium skillet, placed over medium-low heat, add 1 teaspoon of vegetable oil. When warm, add one corn tortilla and top with a handful of shredded cheese. Cover the skillet with a top and cook until cheese is melted, about 1 minute. Place a few tablespoons of shredded carnitas on top of cheese and cap with a tortilla. Cook for an additional minute more until top tortilla becomes warm. Remove and transfer to plate.

4. Top with a tablespoon of refried beans, spreading it out evenly. Sprinkle onion and cilantro mixture on top, along with crumbled queso fresco. Top with a few slices of avocado and dollop of sour cream. Serve immediately with cold beer or margaritas. YES!

Yields Mulitas and Carnitas for 2

This avocado hummus is delicious. And I know I say that a lot, but I really rilly like this one. It’s a good one!

In other related news, why are avocados so expensive? I get that they’re delicious, buttery, fatty (in a healthy way!), pretty, and again, delicious.

No but really…

I like to consider myself a pretty good “ripe” fruit picker, but avocados sort of make me nervous, because sometimes they’re perfectly ripe, yet their exterior is still a little green. This is risky business. Because, I mean, what if I cut into it, thinking it’s ripe and then…it’s not. That’s a whole $2-$3 in the garbage. Stressful!

I sometimes put my pride on the side and I enlist the produce guy to help. He’s always knows what’s up. He picked the ones you see below. They were sort of unripe looking on the outside, slightly soft and totally perfect on the outside. He’s good!

This avocado hummus is exactly what it sounds like: avocado and hummus totally making out, getting married and making a child.

I went the traditional hummus route. There’s a good dose of garlic in this, lemon flavor for days and an awesome tahini flavor. The avocado flavor is subtle, yet totally apparent.

Can we also just discuss how delicious tahini is?! I want to put it in everything right now.

Avocado Hummus

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2 garlic cloves
1 (15-ounce) can of garbanzo beans
1 lemon, zest and juice
2 tablespoon tahini
2 avocados
Salt
Olive Oil
Paprika

1. Place garlic cloves, garbanzo beans, lemon zest and juice from the lemon and tahini in a food processor. Blend until smooth. Salt to taste.

2. Add two avocados and blend just until smooth. Salt to taste once more. Transfer to a bowl, pour a few tablespoons of olive oil on top, and sprinkle a few dashes of paprika. Serve with whatever you like, whether it be pita chips, warm slices of pita or crackers.

I feel like I’ve been a little bit of a psycho lately. It started a few weeks ago when I was like, Man, what if I put bacon on popcorn? That was cool. Then there were these salty oatmeal cookies, followed by bone marrow and then fried corn dog tots. Ugh. After all that I needed a hike and a fruit bowl, you know what I mean?

So, I went on the hike–it was pretty. And had a fruit bowl, but then I needed dinner, a real dinner…

If you’re on Pinterest–like the rest of the female population–you might’ve seen pictures of Avocado Pasta floating around.

This has been on my “to-make” list for a loooong time. I figured it was the perfect time for a little vegan meal to come into my life.

I tried it. Delicious.

Then I got the crazy idea to make it almost like carbonara. There were egg yolks, pancetta, a good amount of Parmesan and avocado. Sound weird? It kinda was. And while pretty delicious, I could only eat like four bites–it was way too decadent and the avocado was totally lost. Bummer (sorta)!

So, I returned to making it in a vegan manner, changing a few things, adding a few things here and there.

There’s a big handful of fresh basil leaves which are blended with garlic, salt, sliced almonds, lemon juice, lemon zest and olive oil. Think of it almost like a refreshing, totally untraditional pesto.

The avocado is added last and blended until it’s nice and smooth. A little toss action with the pasta and boom! dinner. It’s a simple as it gets.

There’s a good balance between the flavor of pesto and avocado. The liberal amount of lemon juice and zest makes it refreshing and light, while the avocado adds a nice creamy texture.

Think of this dish almost like vegan comfort food. I’m so into it!

P.S. At the last second, I totally choked and sprinkled Parmesan all over the pasta. It was good!!

Avocado Pesto Pasta

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Pasta of your choice (I used linguine)
1 cup fresh basil leaves
2 garlic cloves
1 teaspoon sliced almonds
1 lemon, for zest and juice
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
2 tablespoon olive oil
Fresh Pepper
1 medium avocado

1. Add the pasta to a pot of well-salted boiling water and cook to al dente. As you drain the pasta, reserve 1/4 cup of pasta water for the pesto.

2. Meanwhile, in a food processor or blender, add the basil, garlic cloves, almonds, zest from 1/2 of the lemon, juice from the whole lemon, salt and a few cracks of freshly ground pepper. Blend until chopped, scraping down the sides, if need be. With the blender running, slowly add the olive oil and blend until smooth. Add the avocado and blend once more. If the mixture is a bit too thick (mine was), add a few tablespoons of the reserved pasta sauce and blend one last time.

3. Add the sauce to the cooked pasta and toss until thoroughly coated.

Yields 2 servings

Recipe adapted from Epicurious and Oh She Glows

You know what you don’t need? A guacamole recipe. I dunno.

Maybe this is me being a total brat, but honestly, even if you don’t know how to boil water, the last thing you need is a recipe that involves mashing, folding and adding salt. That’s just silly talk.

I lamented for a long time about sharing this situation you see pictured because why do you need this?! You can do this without me. Who am I to tell you how to make your guacamole.

But, I love it. So I figured that maybe you would, too. And maybe you never thought to put pomegranate seeds in guacamole. And maybe you’ll make it and share it with someone. That’d make my day.

So here I am. Just a girl…with a bowl of guacamole, asking you all to mash up some ripe avocados, mix ‘em with some chopped up cucumbers and pomegranate seeds. It’s way more special this way! Refreshing, sweet, lime-y…special!

Pomegranate Cucumber Guacamole

Print this kinda sorta recipe!

2 Haas avocados
1/2 shallot, minced
Handful of pomegranate seeds
1/4 cucumber, peeled and finely chopped
1 lime
Salt

In a medium bowl, mash up both avocados. Fold in minced shallot, pomegranate seeds, cucumber. Squeeze in lime juice and mix. Salt to taste. THAT’S IT!

Recipe adapted from Recipe of Memory

The real name of this salad should read:

“Roasted Rainbow Heirloom Carrot Goat Cheese and Avocado Salad with a Citrus Cumin Dressing.”

But! it needed some tweaking. Let’s not do recipe titles that read like paragraphs. Not a good look. Also the word “rainbow” is way cuter than the word “heirloom.” (I think.) Who doesn’t want to eat a rainbow?! No one.

This dish is like a plate full of skittles…but in carrot form.

Have I ever told you how I sorta think lettuce blows? I’m not a big salad eater.

Let me retract my statement: I’m not a big salad maker. As a kid, making the salad and setting the table was my job, every day…for what felt like for forever. So now, in adult protest, I don’t make salads. Unless they have brown butter dressing on them.

I am, however, a big salad orderer. When I go to a solid restaurant, I usually get a salad. I dig good salads. They’re not super easy to make. There’s an art to the anatomy of a successful salad.

I had something similar to this at a restaurant here in LA. It couldn’t have been simpler: roasted carrots sprinkled with cumin and goat cheese. That was it. Easy. Incredible.

The texture of the roasted carrots is super spesh, guys. Special. They’re thinly sliced and roasted until they become chewy with a slight crunch. That might sound weird, but trust me it’s such a win.

Add some avocado! And some goat cheese! Major.

I’m also not over winter citrus yet. I dunno if I’ll ever be.

I made a simple citrus and cumin dressing, using a few tangelos and a meyer lemon. Feel free to use an orange and a regular lemon. And for the carrots, I found some beautiful heirloom carrots at the store. Regular ol’ orange carrots will work juuuust fine.

In other non-salad news, Pepperidge Farm asked me if I would cook something up that’s healthy for the Super Bowl, which is funny ’cause I dunno even know who’s playing…

…actually, I do now. I just googled it.

So, what are you feeling? Are you feeling healthy? Do you even care about eating healthy on the Super Bowl? If so, what do you think I should figure out how to bake? This is important!

Roasted Rainbow Carrot Salad (with Citrus Cumin Dressing)

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Salad:
15 carrots (peeled, trimmed and thinly sliced)
1 avocado, cubed
2 ounces goat cheese, crumbled

Dressing:
1 shallot, minced
2 tangelo oranges
1 meyer lemon
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
Salt
Ground pepper

1. Preheat oven to 375F. Evenly divide sliced carrots between two lined (important!) baking sheets and place in oven for 15 minutes. Remove carrots and let cool on baking sheets. You’ll find them slightly rubbery. This is good. You don’t want a carrot chip salad, ya know?

2. Meanwhile, make the dressing. Place the minced shallots in a small bowl. Squeeze the juice from the oranges and lemon, being sure to catch any seeds. Whisk in extra virgin olive oil. Add cumin and add salt and pepper to taste.

3. To assemble the salad, add the carrots, cubed avocado to a medium bowl. Pour half of the dressing over top and gently toss. Add more and more dressing until it’s to the point of your liking. Divide salad between two plates and crumble goat cheese on top. BOOM! Eat the rainbow.

Yields 2 Salads

Last Friday my stove decided to have a tantrum and stopped working. Kind of annoying…I had serious cooking plans for a picnic. Instead I just ate wine and half a cupcake. It worked out juuuust fine.

Cut to this week: still no stove…I kinda started hoping it needed to be replaced. How dreamy are those O’Keefe and Merritt stoves?! In pale blue?! Hello cuteness!

Sooo…I dug out my toaster oven and started putting stuff on toast. All sorts of stuff. Possibilities…endless.

And then, as soon as my stove was fixed, I made this poached egg and put it on a piece of bread with some salt, pepper and parmesan. Runny eggs are just swoon-worthy, aren’t they?!

Almond butter and sliced strawberries. Delicious. Sweet. Killer combo.

I’m not even gonna start by telling you that turkey bacon compares to regular bacon. It just doesn’t. It can’t. Impossible. It’s healthier, though, so there’s that.

BACON > TURKEY BACON/EVERYTHING…for life.

But I just bought a few bathing suits this week and have yet to try them on. Ugh.

So here you have it: turkey bacon, a few basil leaves, a swipe of veganaise and a few sliced tomatoes on toast.

P.S. I don’t try bathing suits on in stores anymore. The lighting is heartbreaking. So now I just buy a bunch on a credit card, try them on at my apt, and take the ones that don’t work back to the store. Total game changer. Have you tried this?

Avocado on Toast is an all time fav.  Adding some ricotta to the mix took it to a whole other level of amazingness.

In other news, this weekend I’m gonna celebrate my reunion with my kitchen by making something crazy…can we say doughnuts?! I dunno…they might be in mini form, they might be girly and pink, or they might have sprinkles in them, maybe even some amazing glaze on top. Who knows…the world is my doughnut…or whatever.

I’ve been wanting to try this Avocado Shake for some time now, but honestly, the weirdness of eating avocado in a sweet context kept me away. But last weekend, I was totally guacamole-ed out (a first for me!) and needed to use a bunch of avocados stat.

Figured it was the perfect time for this shake to have its moment. And holy avocado! Not sure what I was waiting for, but this shake has seriously confirmed what I’ve always suspected: avocado is perfect.

When I took the first sip, I was in love with the combination of flavors. There was, of course, the nutty and creaminess from the avocado; and a sweetness from the sweetened condensed milk. And lastly, I was so in love with the coconut flavor. It wasn’t major, but rather subtle. I dug it.

Here’s the deal: this shake takes about five minutes and calls for four ingredients. Basically, this means that no one has the excuse to not make this this weekend, right?

P.S. If you make this, you’ll be left with quite a bit of sweetened condensed milk. Don’t worry–this is an awesome problem to have. To remedy, I say it’s Mocha Popsicle time. Or Dulce de Leche Ice Cream Sandwich day. Doooo it! 

Avocado Shake

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Yields 1 shake

1 avocado

3 tablespoons of sweetened condensed milk

1/2 cup of coconut milk

1/2 handfuls of ice

Pinch of salt

Using a spoon, scoop out avocado flesh into the blender and add the rest of the ingredients. Pulse for 15-20 seconds. Taste it! Do you want it sweeter? Add one more tablespoon of sweetened condensed milk. Pour into a glass and drink right away.

Since we’re friends and we have a bit of a relationship going, I feel like I should confess something.

If you’ve noticed I haven’t cooked anything in a while. It started with this Grapefruit Coconut Scrub; I then moved onto the giveaway…and now I give this Avocado and Grapefruit Salad

It’s because…are you ready? I’m on a diet-thingy.

This winter has been a long one.

I ate burgers, like, a few times a week, I had milkshakes, cupcakes and tuna melts. I do what I want!

I figured I needed to take a break, and get healthy or whatever. I bought a program from Tracy Anderson called Metamorphosis. And wouldn’t you know, I’ve dropped a few pounds, I work out now…and do this embarrassing dance cardio (in the privacy of my own home), and feel loads better. It’s miraculous what moving your body and not eating butter everyday can do.

The downside is that I haven’t been able to eat anything fun. though I have taken the liberty to cheat.  I deserve it, right? I’m an adult, I pay my taxes (oh. do. I. pay. my. taxes.) and my parking tickets!

I had an awesome dinner at Son of a Gun; another time at In-n-Out. Both times totally worth it. If I’m gonna cheat, I’m gonna cheat…

In my attempt to put my new, healthy foot forward, I made something that doesn’t taste diet-like at all.

Just a few simple ingredients on a plate topped with a heavy tablespoon of mustard vinagrette.

I ate this all by myself for lunch, though I can’t wait until picnics and bbqs start so I can bring this on a big plate for a crowd to enjoy.

In other news: since I can’t have bacon, I kinda want to smell like it.

Bacon cologne…yay or nay? Is this just me being weird and missing bacon?

Avocado and Grapefruit Salad

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Recipe by Ina Garten

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt

3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1/2 cup good olive oil

4 ripe Hass avocados

2 large red grapefruits

Place the mustard, lemon juice, salt, and pepper in a small bowl. Slowly whisk in the olive oil until the vinaigrette is emulsified.

Before serving, cut the avocados in 1/2, remove the seeds, and carefully peel off the skin. Cut each half into 4 thick slices. Toss the avocado slices in the vinagrette to prevent them from turning brown. Use a large, sharp knife to slice the peel off the grapefruits (be sure to remove all the white pith), then cut between the membranes to release the grapefruit segments.

Arrange the avocado slices around the edge of a large platter. Arrange the grapefruit segments in the center as well as in between each slice of avocado. Spoon the vinaigrette on top, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and serve.

I have a particularly tragic memory of looking at rental houses with my friend when he first moved to LA and finding one that actually had an avocado tree in the backyard. I mean, a tree that was taller than the house and was heavy with ripe avocados This memory is tragic because my friend didn’t rent the house. If he had, I would have had a never ending supply to feed my avocado addiction.

BTW – what are avocados, a vegetable? Some weird fruit? Either way, I really, really, REALLY love these…veggie-fruits from heaven. Let’s count the ways, shall we?

1. Guacamole is possibly my favorite food.

2. I like avocado sandwiches. A lot.

3. I have been known to sprinkle some salt on a halved avocado and just eat it with a spoon. I’ve been known to do this without the salt.

4. Avocado on a burger? Yes, please.

5. Avocado fries on the side of my burger? Now you’re really talking.

Basically, you can’t have too many ways to eat avocado. I know some of you out there are trying to scream at the screen that avocados are fattening, but I’m immune to your silly ideas. Bikinis be damned – avocados are wonderful. Especially when deep fried.

Avocado Fries

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1 avocado, sliced into ¼ inch slices

½ cup milk

½ cup flour

1 egg, beaten

Canola oil, for frying

Lime Sriracha Mayo

½ cup mayonnaise

Juice from ½ lime

Sriracha, or other spicy chili sauce

Fill a skillet with oil until it’s about ¼ – ½ inch full. Heat on high until oil sputters when a drop of water is dropped in.

Place the milk, flour and egg into three separate shallow dishes. Beat about a tablespoon of water into the egg mixture. Take a slice of avocado and dunk in milk, then the flour, then the eggs, then back in the flour. Place each slice on a plate until you’ve dunked the whole batch in batter.

Slowly add the slices to the oil. You don’t want to overcrowd the pan, so stop before they all start touching each other. After about a minute you’ll see the edges turning brown, this means it’s time to flip them over. Allow to cook for another minute and then remove them from the skillet and place on a plate lined with paper towels.

To make the mayonnaise, mix together the mayo, lime juice and sriracha. Add the Sriracha to taste depending on how spicy you want it. Serve along side your avocado fries and enjoy!

 

I understand that no one needs a recipe for nachos. I get it.  We’re all adults. Nachos are a no-brainer.

And I’ll happily admit that this really was just an excuse for me to make nachos.  It was game day and I thought I’d get in the mood with a little chips with cheese.

And then proceeded to watch Teen Mom instead of the game. Good idea.

Before we move on with nachos, can we all just agree that Teen Mom is the scariest show on television? Even more terrifying than Hoarders…

Back to nachos.

I have some nacho theories (um, don’t we all?).

I’m particular about nachos. And can sometimes get an attitude about the way nachos are assembled.

Here it goes:

I firmly believe that nachos should be built in layers. It’s a drag when you get to the middle of a pile of nachos and can’t find a piece of cheese in sight. That is not OK! Bad nacho etiquette. I don’t like it.

That’s why I place one layer of chips on the plate, then add some cheese, and then add another layer of chips. And then more cheese. Then more chips, chili and the final bit of cheese. Nachos 101. It’s intense.

I understand that lots of people have opinions about nachos, and want to make it clear that–while different from mine–I have much respect the way Texans make their nachos.

Their method is to dress each chip separartely with cheese and a jalepeño. Texans are delicate nacho makers. I dig it.

And while I like their technique, I need toppings in my life.

I added some chili, sour cream, fresh jalepeños, fresh tomatoes, diced onions, a bit of lime, green onions and avocado.

Phew! Lot of toppings. But that’s the fun, right?!

Nachos!! Nachos!!

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4 handfuls of white corn tortilla chips

2 cups of medium-cheddar cheese

1/2 cup of canned or homemade chili

1/4 a white onion, diced

2 green onions, diced

1/2 tomato, diced

1/2 avocado, cubed

2 jalepeños, sliced

Grab a oven-proof plate or casserole dish.  Place a thin layer of chips on the plat, top with cheese and one more layer of chips. More cheese, chips and then top with chili and more cheese. Phew. Basically, make make how many layers you like.

Bake at 350F for 10 minutes or until cheese it melted.

Top with white onion, green onions, tomatoes, avocados and jalepeños. Holy yum!